Financial infidelity recovery: Introduction
According to Psychology Today, one of the causes of marital breakdown is dishonesty and betrayal. Dishonesty and betrayal can take many forms. It can include financial dishonesty in marriage. The purpose of this vlog is to look at this issue and how to get financial infidelity recovery in a marriage.
Financial infidelity recovery: Financial dishonesty in marriage
The first step is recognizing what financial infidelity meaning is. In its simplest form, financial infidelity is withholding from our partners about what we are doing with money that ultimately negatively affects the couple’s relationship. Examples of financial infidelity could be:
- secret spending; perhaps as a result of an addiction;
- secret savings account;
- incurring secret debt; again could be a result of an addiction
- cashing in a life insurance policy to raise needed funds secretly; and
- letting a life insurance policy lapse due either to lack of funds or wishing to divert those funds without telling our partner
It is a lack of transparency with our partners about money in the relationship.
Financial infidelity recovery: Signs of financial infidelity
Some of the more common signs of financial infidelity are that your spouse or partner:
- wants to control all the finances and they don’t want any comments from you;
- they also don’t want to share financial information with you;
- you notice that there is a withdrawal from an investment account with no given explanation;
- a lot of resistance to talking about money;
- discovering the opening of new lines of credit or credit cards in your partner’s name, in your name or even jointly that you didn’t open yourself and had no knowledge of;
- you find bills for items that you didn’t know about; and
- your partner makes a big purchase without talking with you first
Such behaviour will most certainly erode trust in a relationship. This will create a huge blockage in every other aspect of the marriage, including intimacy.
Financial infidelity recovery: Healing financial infidelity
In order to even attempt financial infidelity recovery, there has to be willingness by either spouses or partners. Both will have to overcome the shame, humiliation and rage that the financial infidelity causes. The couple needs to understand what the real reason for the financial infidelity is and be dedicated to fixing that. Is it the result of an addiction such as shopping, gambling, drugs or alcohol abuse? Is it a result of a business loss or failure in the spouse’s business?
The next step is to have a team approach. Spouses or partners need to have complete access jointly to all accounts. One spouse should not be allowed to withdraw funds without the other one’s cooperation. The team has to set a realistic budget together, follow it and watch the cash flow plan. One of the cornerstones of the budget has to be to work towards being debt free. Finally, constant and open communication is key.
It may be that you will need a financial counselor for credit counselling to increase the couple’s financial knowledge. The counselor can also make sure that the recovery plan is realistic and implemented. Financial infidelity recovery is neither simple nor easy, but, it is possible if both partners are willing and committed.
Financial infidelity recovery: What to do if you cannot overcome your debts
The debt created by financial infidelity is more emotionally troubling than normal debt. The reason is one of the spouses had nothing to do with incurring that debt, yet they may be just as liable for its repayment. This creates extra challenges in attempting to resolve that debt.
Although the challenges are enormous, they are not insurmountable. If you and your spouse have too much debt because of financial infidelity or for any other reason, you need to contact a licensed insolvency trustee (LIT) now. Through financial counselling, a LIT can aid in getting the resources you need to fix the root causes of the financial infidelity and to deal with the debt that you and your spouse cannot repay.
You need the Ira Smith Team. We’re experts in dealing with debt. No matter how you got into difficulty we can help return you to financial well-being. Contact us today and free yourself of debt Starting Over, Starting Now.
